Greed… or is it?

I often have moments… or days if I am to be completely honest, where I just want to get away from everything and everyone.
Times I just want to hop in the car and drive.
Drive somewhere- I don’t know where, but away from the hustle bustle of the city, away from the concrete and bright lights and somewhere open, green, airy, natural… somewhere beautiful.
At times I feel I need to get away from myself to just try and set myself straight again, to get a level head and de-stress, to be at one with nature and ground myself again.

I am no good to anybody- especially my husband or children if I am in physical pain, stressed, anxious or depressed.
I am usually one or two of these things at any one time.
I guess I have tried to learn to live like this but I hate it, I really do.

I want to be “normal”, not living in pain, not worrying about if something wrong or bad is going to happen, not constantly feeling I have to apologise for something bad that has happened (when a lot of the time it is something I don’t even have any control over).

It frustrates me that for some reason I have grown up believing I am the cause of everyone’s problems, deep down I know I am not always to blame, but by the time I open my mouth to say something, all I can manage is “I’m Sorry”.
I just can’t help it.

I hate being so negative, I feel it is bad for my kids too.
I want them to grow up being strong, proud individuals, not scared of doing anything in case they’ll get in trouble or because someone isn’t open enough to their opinions or views.

Having a quick think about my life… I guess it comes down to me being an “Accident” and having my Mum remind me of this throughout my childhood and even now as an adult and a parent myself.
That however is another story.

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