I often find myself thinking.
Thinking about nothing in particular.
Actually- half the time I don’t even remember what I was thinking of thinking about. I just don’t know.
Maybe it’s a female thing? It is known that women try to multi-task as much as possible. Maybe my brain is just working overtime and for some reason I’m not allowing my thoughts to sink in and be remembered.
I guess constantly thinking unimportant things helps keep my mind busy and helps me to stop focusing on the areas of my body that are aching.
To take my mind off the sciatica, off the bulged discs, to take my mind off it all.
My back is constantly aching, it’s a dull ache; but I think in a way, a dull ache is worse than when I completely put my back out and was in agony. I knew the extreme pain would ease with time. This dull ache doesn’t. It is always there.
It makes me feel like a little old lady who can barely get around at times. But I know that’s a fallacy as I know many “elderly” people in their 70’s and 80’s who are still very energetic and capable for their age. Some much more energetic than people half or even a quarter of their age!
I want to be able to run around with my kids. Carry them around on my shoulders like many other parents do but I can’t due to the constant pain and the fear that I could really hurt my back at any time for no real reason.