I want to go home.

How do you tell someone that you desperately want to move away? That continuing to live where you do feels like hell, it is the reason why you get suicidal thoughts. It is the reason why you’ve been seeing a psychologist for the past 2 years and had depression for at least the past 11 years and more recently the anxiety has been getting worse and worse too.



I recently had to go away for almost a week and I well and truly fell in love with the town. So much so that I want to pack up and move there.
For good.

It’s not the feeling of “you’re on holiday, that’s why you don’t want to go home”, it’s not that at all.
This is different.
When I arrived in the town, it felt like I had arrived home.

Holidays are great, sure- I’d love for some to last longer but I’m not sure I could spend my life living in most of the places where we have holidayed over the years.
This town is different. I instantly felt at home, felt that I fit in to the community, felt that I could give back to the community. I felt that my husband and children would fit in to the community very quickly too.

The area and all the towns in the district are very inviting, I never had ANY symptoms of depression or anxiety while I was there. The climate was suitable for all the family’s needs, the sporting facilities were the best we have ever seen, the shops met all our needs, the community were friendly, helpful and approachable. I felt safe, I was relaxed and not once had any of the negative feelings or thoughts that occur when I’m here (I can’t actually call this “home”, even though I have lived here for almost 12 years, I will never feel right in calling it home. It just doesn’t feel right.)
It honestly felt like I had arrived home.
I wish I could relocate.
I wish I could start a new life, leave all my troubles behind and start off fresh.
A blank canvas, a new slate, to turn over a new leaf.

I just need to go home.

Where ever that may be.




4 thoughts on “I want to go home.

  1. That must have been an amazing experience! Wow, it really begs the question: what was it about this place which appealed to you so much? (A rhetorical question!) I’m so glad you had relief from D&A symptoms while there. Always a good thing.

    • I think some of the main things that appealed to me was that it offered all the comforts of a city (enough shops, supermarkets, etc to keep everyone happy, there are hospitals in most towns), schools look very clean and tidy, people are friendly, etc.

      It just seemed like a place to call home.

      • I once knew a woman who went to Africa for a trip and just felt right at home there. She hasn’t relocated yet, but fingers crossed for her … Her husband’s work stands in the way at the moment. It would be nice if it worked out for her. (It wasn’t in that weird “I’ve fallen in love with a man I’ve never met before and whose language I can’t even speak” way, either; she talked about it just as you do – she just felt at home.)

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