How do you tell someone that you desperately want to move away? That continuing to live where you do feels like hell, it is the reason why you get suicidal thoughts. It is the reason why you’ve been seeing a psychologist for the past 2 years and had depression for at least the past 11 years and more recently the anxiety has been getting worse and worse too.
I recently had to go away for almost a week and I well and truly fell in love with the town. So much so that I want to pack up and move there.
It’s not the feeling of “you’re on holiday, that’s why you don’t want to go home”, it’s not that at all.
This is different.
When I arrived in the town, it felt like I had arrived home.
Holidays are great, sure- I’d love for some to last longer but I’m not sure I could spend my life living in most of the places where we have holidayed over the years.
This town is different. I instantly felt at home, felt that I fit in to the community, felt that I could give back to the community. I felt that my husband and children would fit in to the community very quickly too.
The area and all the towns in the district are very inviting, I never had ANY symptoms of depression or anxiety while I was there. The climate was suitable for all the family’s needs, the sporting facilities were the best we have ever seen, the shops met all our needs, the community were friendly, helpful and approachable. I felt safe, I was relaxed and not once had any of the negative feelings or thoughts that occur when I’m here (I can’t actually call this “home”, even though I have lived here for almost 12 years, I will never feel right in calling it home. It just doesn’t feel right.)
It honestly felt like I had arrived home.
I wish I could relocate.
I wish I could start a new life, leave all my troubles behind and start off fresh.
A blank canvas, a new slate, to turn over a new leaf.
I just need to go home.
Where ever that may be.