Daily Prompt: That’s Amore

Today’s Daily Prompt ( http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/18/daily-prompt-thats-amore/ ) asks us to talk about our longest relationship.
For me, it is the relationship I am currently in- my marriage.

My husband and I first met 13 years ago. I was in a relationship at the time and back then, I didn’t even contemplate a relationship with my now hubby as I thought I was in a happy relationship with my (now ex) boyfriend at the time.
Within 6 months, life took it’s course and my ex and I went our own ways. It was the first “break up” I had gone through and my (now) hubby was there for me. We were only friends at this stage, and now that I was single again, I allowed myself to see him in a way I hadn’t done before.

Seeing that we had been slowly getting to know each other as friends in the 6 months leading up to this point in time, the next few months seem to fly by in a whirl-wind romance. “We” felt right together, and one thing led to another and the next thing I know… I’m expecting our first baby.
I moved in with him and his family a couple of months later.

I gave birth a little over a year after we first started going out and shortly after that I hit the next life-changing point which was when my grandfather passed away. This really hit me hard. I was a new mum and had lost the man who was like a father figure to me within about 3 weeks of each other. I had to rely on my partner and his family to help me as I was so distraught about everything life had just thrown my way.
When my hubby wasn’t working his day job or playing sport for his local club, he was doing everything he could to help me with the baby.

Once I felt well enough to get around again, we started doing something I really enjoyed. We would take the baby for walks in the pram together in the evenings. It was lovely, we were in love, we had our time together with each other and he helped me to try and stay in some sort of shape.

As the years went on, jobs changed for him, we had more children and got engaged and married in that time too.
We still love each other but I feel that what we have today is very different to what we had when we first started going out.

Today we seem to be more distant. Some days, a little spark will come back which is surprisingly nice, but most of the time I feel that we are existing together but living separate lives.

He is still playing his sport for the same club.

He is a stay at home parent now though, he has been for the past 5 years; I’ve stayed at home with the kids fir the past 11+ years.
My depression and back problems have meant that I can’t look after my children how I wish I could so he has had to do a lot for me.
I know he gets frustrated with me and I feel very bad about that.
I wish I wasn’t constantly in pain and feeling down but it’s not something I can “snap out of” nor can I “just get over it”.

I deal with things the best way I can.

Some days are better than others; some days I feel great and get a fair bit of stuff done, other days I just want to curl up and die as I feel like such a waste of space.

I yearn for the early days… for the days when we enjoyed being in each others company, the times when we went out and enjoyed ourselves. They don’t happen as near as often as I’d like them to. I know we don’t have a lot of money these days, but we can still do things either together as a couple or as a family that don’t much at all.

Our 10th Wedding Anniversary is very quickly nearing and I do not know what we will be doing, if anything at all.
We have spoken about having a short trip away, or a day out somewhere but as yet haven’t agreed on anything.

I truly hope that our marriage brings us closer over the next decade as I would hate to think where we will end up if we continue to distance ourselves from each other like it feels we have been doing over the past few years or so…

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