It’s just after 4am and I still can’t get tired enough to fall asleep.
The laughter of Kookaburras can already be heard even though the sun isn’t expected to come up for about another 2 hours yet.
I have the TV on quietly to help buffer the ringing, the shrilling in my ears that is my constant companion- Tinnitus.
When it is at it’s worst, like now- I am almost too scared to think about sleeping. The thought of laying with my head on the pillow worries me. I hate having to listening to deafening silence. Well, there’s not actually any silence at all, not even when everything in the house has been turned off.. I doubt I will ever be able to turn off the squealing in my ears.
I know I should try get some sleep as I have a family to look after, but I seem to be wired, unable to get to sleep.
I do not know if it is due to the tinnitus or if it is something else.
I have spoken to my GP about being unable to sleep at night, but so far they don’t seem to be concerned.
I just wish I had answers.
Staying up all night makes me feel like not only a bad Mum but also a bad wife.
It is like I am living a separate life to the rest of my family.
That’s NOT what I want.
I just want things to sort themselves out…
Sleep would be nice…
…if I knew how to.