I have been MIA for what feels like an eternity.
I don’t have excuses- i just haven’t got around to adding to my blog before now. Don’t get me wrong- i HAVE wanted to, quite a bit, but I suppose i was constantly doing other things or just didn’t get around to it.
I’ve only seen my psychologist once in about 6 months now and i think that may be part of the problem why i have pretty much let my life fall to pieces. Being able to have honest chats without being judged lifts a HUGE weight off my shoulders, but seeing as i have not had this chance, i have been over-thinking absolutely everything, to the point where i wasn’t getting to bed until between 3 and 5 am at times, and then within a few hours, i’d have to get back up and repeat the day again and again and again.
Things got so bad that i got to the point where i was spending all day in the bedroom as i couldn’t face the thought of dealing with the world. There were even moments i couldn’t hold the tears back and i just wanted to die, thinking that everyone would be better off without me around to stuff their lives up.
It made me feel like a completely worthless excuse of a mother and wife, my husband and his mum pretty much just took over.
I don’t know what it was, but something inside me lit up, just a glimmer of hope or something- i’m not exactly sure what it was, but but now i am able to live what others may call a semi normal life.
I still don’t feel great, i still don’t feel well, but i think i’m ever so slowly improving.
Everything starts with baby steps…