Where for art thou sleepiness…

I wish i was tired and sleeping like the rest of the household currently is.

I know if i lie down, i’ll probably be asleep within 15 minutes or so, but it’s just getting into the mood to turn the TV off, the light off and get cosy under the covers.
I’m still quite stuffed up in the head with the tail end of this bug i have had for about a month now. Lying flat means i can’t breath properly so i prop myself up with 4 pillows but that just means i end up waking up with a sore neck and back.
It’s a catch 22 situation- i’m simply not going to have a comfortable sleep and wake up refreshed either way.

My tinnitus doesn’t help either, the quieter it is, the louder the ringing/hissing seems to be.
I had a shocker today. I was in a supermarket, got a bit anxious and stressed {*anxiety and stress is a big trigger for my tinnitus} due to the amount of people there all trying to get through the checkouts at once and also due to the fact i had an item scan at a higher price and had to have it rectified. I swear i felt like everyone could hear the noise i could hear- it was so loud that i could honestly hear very little. I am sure the staff member who served me thought there was something seriously wrong with me or thought i must have been stone deaf and forgot to put my hearing aids in. (I do NOT have hearing aids and hope to not need any for quite some time yet.) It was almost to the point where it was so loud that it was physically painful.

I recently read the list of side effects for the Thyroid medication i’m on. I ticked off many of those side effects and cannot help but wonder if that little tablet i take each morning is the cause for many of my current complaints/symptoms.
It is something that i will seriously have to talk to my Dr about next time i see her.

I am sick and tired (in more ways than one) of not getting a proper nights sleep, of constantly feeling like i have something wrong with me that i just can’t put my finger on, of not feeling like the me i used to be.

I could blame the kids- everyone who has kids had a different life before kids, but we adapt… I’ve had 12 1/2 years and 4 kids to adapt my life to share it with them (and hubby of course). That is a lame excuse though as i know the kids are NOT to blame. I would never blame the kids for my health issues (they may cause me some stress but they also give me a lot to be proud of and so much love- even if they don’t always show it themselves).

Well, i’m not sure how many people i have just bored to death with this entry, but i am finally yawning so will take this as a positive sign that i might just be getting tired enough to attempt to fall asleep listening to the deafening hiss of the tinnitus ringing louder than ever in my ears tonight.

Maybe i just need to turn into one of the old school cartoons- get a huge oversized ACME wooden mallet/hammer and hit myself over the head to knock some sense into myself and fall asleep easily?

DONK….. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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300 words

Wanting to write is one thing but when your fingers and brain aren’t working together things can get messy…

This is usually when random thoughts start to appear, being typed out in a semi-conscious manner, most of the time no errors are made, but then again, because you’re only half with it, you really aren’t concentrating on which keys your fingers are tapping.

Imagine if the world was reversed…

imagine if our feet were rooted in the ground, leaving us unable to move, unable to go from one place to another unless a small part of us is blown away in the wind.
Imagine if trees could get up and walk around. What would they do? Where would they go?
Would their roots be a tripping hazard?

Imagine if our dreams became reality…

Those nightmares you had as a child would come alive and search for you… not giving up until they found you.
Those dreams of being chased, of falling, of having creepy crawly insects, bugs and beetles crawling out of your mouth, out of your ears and nostrils, trying to dig and tunnel into your eyeballs.

Imagine if all those things you imagined you saw or did were real after all. Would you be happy or disgusted with yourself? Would you be fleeing for your life, hiding from someone or something?

Imagine if you were able to fulfil your wildest dreams. Would that make you happy? Would it scare you to death? Would you ever want your wildest dreams to come true or are you happy with them just being dreams, something you can think about and act out in your mind knowing those innermost thoughts are safe and won’t ever get out.

What if you could read other peoples minds?
What if they could read your mind?

Dear GPS and camera…

To my dearly loved GPS and Camera,

I am writing this letter to inform you that you have won the game of Hide and Seek that i was unaware of us playing.
I have not been able to find either of you for a few days now. You have won the game, i give up. Please show yourselves so we can can go travelling and make beautiful photos and memories together.

If you do not wish to go out this weekend, that’s fine- i won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
I just want to know your whereabouts, to know you’re safe and that you are happy to be in my life once again.

If the two of you have eloped and married, i am very happy for you both. You do a lot together so why not spend the rest of your computerised lives together too.

I just need you both back in my life, you both enrich my life so much and we have been on some great adventures.
I don’t want that to stop- i want our journeys to continue.

Please come home.

Love from me. XO

Understanding a gift

I have always been open minded about almost everything, but this year i have been REALLY finding myself…

It seems that i am able to do Astral Projection. I only found this out as i put up my “symptoms” on my social media page and a few friends said it was actually a gift that i had. After a bit of research, it seems they could very well be right.
The other evening i had some time to myself and i saw a blue/yellow light sitting just above my knees- i have done a brief bit of research and think i may have seen my aura, but am not sure as i am very new to all of this.

I have seen crop circles in the past too and seem to have a knack of things finding me. Well, i’m not sure if it was an actual crop circle, but it’s what we called them. It looked like a circle burnt into the ground. A while later, where the burnt circle was, a circle of field mushrooms would grow.
I will often have a feather or leaf fall onto me or just in front of me, when out travelling or on day trips, i will often find beautiful rocks/crystals/shells… It happens so often that i don’t believe it is coincidence anymore.

I don’t know if this is normal or if i do in fact have a gift which i have to learn to understand better.

It is no use trying to talk to my family about my experiences as they do not believe in this sort of thing and i don’t have any friends living nearby who can help me either. I just have my friends and acquaintances online to ask for help.

I have also been told that EFT tapping can help me- i just have to learn the technique and believe in it and most importantly- start believing in myself and learning to love myself after decades of hating who i am.

I am optimistic about all of this and am open to looking into it all more in hope that it will help me find my true self and become the person that i was always meant to be- not the person who i have become from years of self hate and neglect.

Now let’s open a can of worms…

I’m currently watching WWE Afterburn on TV, not because i want to, but because i’m simply too lazy to change the channel… I am busy on the computer anyway so it’s really just background noise at the moment.

I have never really understood wrestling. The way i see it, it’s just a form of choreographed dance/drama/hands-on physical performance. I see it as one big show which they put on for the viewers.

It’s not boxing, not by a long shot- to me, boxing seems like a blood thirsty sport (another can of worms right here but i won’t talk about this right now), wrestling on the other hand is far less dangerous and bloody. I have very rarely seen blood spilt during a wrestling TV show.

Are any of my followers fans of wrestling?
What are your views on this sport? Is it even called a sport? I honestly do not know.

I would be interested in hearing what you think of wrestling.
I am assuming most people have heard of and are aware of what wrestling is.

Cough Cough Cough…

For the past month i have been feeling under the weather. It started out as what i assumed was just a cough/cold/flu…

It didn’t seem to go away so i went to the chemist and after a chat to the pharmacist, was recommended i have some chesty cough medicine.
When that didn’t seem to be working i went to my GP. They prescribed antibiotics which i took but once again, i wasn’t feeling any better and the cough seemed to be getting worse. The coughing fits were getting worse than ever- to the point where i was almost being sick.

Yet another visit to my GP saw a second course of antibiotics prescribed to me. I have just finished them and although i am feeling a little better, i am still quite weary and fatigued and have this annoying cough which at times, almost takes my breath away.

The worst thing is that my son has been battling with a similar bug. He has also had different antibiotics given to him and today had blood tests and X-Rays to rule out Whooping Cough and Pneumonia. I am really hoping he is well enough to go to school soon as he is really missing his friends.
We have been collecting his school work as he feels well enough to keep up to date with that, but because he is socially isolated at the moment, it is that which is upsetting him the most.

Whatever this illness is that is going around, i would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Please take care of yourselves, your families and friends. especially the elderly, young and sick who may not be able to fight it off.

Under the weather and facing a storm hoping to see the rainbow.

For the past couple of weeks i have been fighting with a bad bug. A trip to my GP saw me on a course of antibiotics, cough medicine, and plenty of fluids.

I have now finished the antibiotics and am starting to feel better but still have a bad cough with some congestion and along with some of my other current ailments, i have simply had enough and just want it to all stop.
I have had enough of the coughing fits taking my breath away whilst also simultaneously making me feel like i have my airways filled with phlegm and choking me from the inside.
My hands and feet have been icy cold for what feels like an eternity no matter what type of socks or gloves i wear or how i rug up.
I can’t lie down as it triggers the coughing fits, i am scared to go to sleep at night as i know i’ll be coughing almost constantly for much of the night.
When i cough, i can just about hear the rattle in my chest which makes me think i’m still far from being well, yet a visit to my GP yesterday meant that to him- my chest sounded clear.

I should be thankful that he thinks i am getting better. My hubby was with me at the time so he’s also telling me that i am now getting better.

I DO NOT FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING BETTER THOUGH! I SHOULD KNOW MY OWN BODY BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE!

My body and mind is telling me to escape for a few days or so to get back to nature and try and revive and hopefully heal myself without the need for more chemicals and medications entering my body.
I know that this isn’t an option though as i have a hubby and children to be here for.

I know i have been as useful as a parasite over the past week or two and i have felt just as welcomed here too but i had nowhere else to go.
Growing up, my family had a holiday house, it is no longer in the family’s ownership, but if it had’ve been i am sure a few days there would have had me completely over this bug- whatever it it is that i have (GP said an Upper Respiratory Infection but who really knows?)

While all this has been going on (read between the lines- in the words of other household members “while you’ve been dying in bed and neglecting us for the past week”), my eldest child has been incredibly hard to understand.
I will NEVER disown her, i will NEVER give up on her, i will NEVER not be there for her. I have told her that many times and will continue to tell her for as long as i live.
I just want her (as well as all my kids) to realise that they can all come to me and talk to me about anything at all whenever they want to talk.

I am just sick and tired of being disrespected, being ignored, being put down, told off, spoken badly to and treated like a child.
Sadly, it is my own child treating me this way a lot of the time. I feel ashamed that she feels a need to treat me like this, i can’t help but wonder what i have done wrong to her or to anyone in my life to deserve this type of treatment.
I know i didn’t like some of the things my Mum did to/with me as a child and i am doing my best to make sure my own children don’t have those same experiences.
I do the best i can for my children, sometimes i can see that i must be doing something right as they do laugh and play well together but there are other times when they do nothing but hurt each other for no reason that i am aware of.

I just wish i understood children of today and knew how to stay well and not get sick.

What’s with all these illnesses going around!?

It seems that almost every person i know is currently sick or is recovering from some type of cold, flu, virus or infection.

I haven’t felt 100% well for so long now, but this most recent bug has really hit me for six.
I felt off colour over the weekend and thought i’d nip it in the bud early in the week with a cold/flu medicine bought over the counter from my local chemist.
I have been taking the medicine as instructed by the chemist, but have been getting worse so today i took myself to my local family doctor and found out i have a fever and Upper Respiratory Infection. Other horrid symptoms include feeling weak, icy cold hands and feet, a stuffy head and every bone in my body aching all over. It also has a nasty cough attached to it which has triggered my lower back pain yet again.

I have been put on antibiotics and instructed to take panadol and ibuprofen as needed to help with the other associated pain.
I am just hoping that this new lot of medication will do it’s job and help me get better and recover from this infection.

I hope everyone else keeping as well as they can.