For the past couple of weeks i have been fighting with a bad bug. A trip to my GP saw me on a course of antibiotics, cough medicine, and plenty of fluids.
I have now finished the antibiotics and am starting to feel better but still have a bad cough with some congestion and along with some of my other current ailments, i have simply had enough and just want it to all stop.
I have had enough of the coughing fits taking my breath away whilst also simultaneously making me feel like i have my airways filled with phlegm and choking me from the inside.
My hands and feet have been icy cold for what feels like an eternity no matter what type of socks or gloves i wear or how i rug up.
I can’t lie down as it triggers the coughing fits, i am scared to go to sleep at night as i know i’ll be coughing almost constantly for much of the night.
When i cough, i can just about hear the rattle in my chest which makes me think i’m still far from being well, yet a visit to my GP yesterday meant that to him- my chest sounded clear.
I should be thankful that he thinks i am getting better. My hubby was with me at the time so he’s also telling me that i am now getting better.
I DO NOT FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING BETTER THOUGH! I SHOULD KNOW MY OWN BODY BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE!
My body and mind is telling me to escape for a few days or so to get back to nature and try and revive and hopefully heal myself without the need for more chemicals and medications entering my body.
I know that this isn’t an option though as i have a hubby and children to be here for.
I know i have been as useful as a parasite over the past week or two and i have felt just as welcomed here too but i had nowhere else to go.
Growing up, my family had a holiday house, it is no longer in the family’s ownership, but if it had’ve been i am sure a few days there would have had me completely over this bug- whatever it it is that i have (GP said an Upper Respiratory Infection but who really knows?)
While all this has been going on (read between the lines- in the words of other household members “while you’ve been dying in bed and neglecting us for the past week”), my eldest child has been incredibly hard to understand.
I will NEVER disown her, i will NEVER give up on her, i will NEVER not be there for her. I have told her that many times and will continue to tell her for as long as i live.
I just want her (as well as all my kids) to realise that they can all come to me and talk to me about anything at all whenever they want to talk.
I am just sick and tired of being disrespected, being ignored, being put down, told off, spoken badly to and treated like a child.
Sadly, it is my own child treating me this way a lot of the time. I feel ashamed that she feels a need to treat me like this, i can’t help but wonder what i have done wrong to her or to anyone in my life to deserve this type of treatment.
I know i didn’t like some of the things my Mum did to/with me as a child and i am doing my best to make sure my own children don’t have those same experiences.
I do the best i can for my children, sometimes i can see that i must be doing something right as they do laugh and play well together but there are other times when they do nothing but hurt each other for no reason that i am aware of.
I just wish i understood children of today and knew how to stay well and not get sick.