A decline in health.

Unfortunately my Nan’s health is worsening.
Last week, i could tell she was getting weaker, but she was still mentally strong.
I think now, she has had enough.

She is exhausted.
Mentally.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Completely and utterly exhausted.

I think her body may be ready to start shutting down. That’s if the process hasn’t already started.
She now finds it extremely tiring to walk more than about 5 metres at a time. Twice that distance has her almost collapsing, buckling at the knees.
She also gets exhausted if she has to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Listening is exhausting for her, so is talking.
Things we take for granted are such a huge effort and exhausting for her now that she is so fragile and ill.

The illness has spread throughout her body.
It is in tissue, glands, organs and bone. It is sucking the life out of her.

Up until the past few days, i have been able to keep the pain away with medication, now that doesn’t seem to be working.
I will have to talk to the medical staff taking care of her and see where we can go from here.
I do not want her to be in pain if i can help it.
It is painful watching her in pain, knowing there is nothing more i can do.
It makes me feel i have failed her. I told her i would take care of her, but now i have to watch her face screw up as the pain takes over. I am helpless, i am unable to do the one thing i told her i would do for her- keep her comfortable.

It’s not fair.
Life isn’t fair at the moment.

She doesn’t deserve this.

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