I think the grief is starting to kick in now.
Today has not been a great day for me. I woke up with a list of things in my head that i wanted to get done but so far i haven’t done a single thing and i feel so bad because of it.
I just want to jump in my car and drive away. I don’t know where, all i know is that i don’t want to be here right at this very moment. It’s nothing about the people here. I love my family. I just want to be alone.
I just want to sit somewhere nice and reflect. Reflect on life. Reflect on what i have done.
Consider what i want to do from here. Do i have any goals that i would like to achieve? I know i have my “big dream”- the one where i run my own business in a country town, but i think i need to make some smaller, more realistic goals for now. I feel that my life is turning into a constant disappointment. It is like i can’t keep anyone happy. At times i feel as though i have been put on this Earth to upset everyone that i meet. I know that is NOT the case, but only being able to vividly remember the things which had the biggest negative impacts on my life means it is hard for me to accept anything positive that happens to me.
I want to turn it around. I want to fill my life with positive experiences. I want to be happy.
I am sure i deserve to be happy- heck, EVERYONE deserves happiness, so why shouldn’t i get some happiness too?