I feel i don’t know who i am any more.
i just spent about half an hour reading through some of my earlier posts. I cried, i was amazed at how strong i was, i shuddered at the way i was treated by others.
Now i am trying to find the real me again…
But i don’t know where to look. I don’t know where to start.
It honestly scares me.
I thought i would have been a good role model for my children, but now i an unsure if i am even fit to be a parent.
I feel too unstable at times.
I wish there was an easy answer.
I have tried getting back to nature.
I went to the zoo. That wasn’t the best idea as i ended up spending far too much time watching the chimpanzees. I feel that at one stage, i was starting to share their feelings. I was overcome with sadness, with neglect and loneliness. It wasn’t a good feeling at all. I wanted to leave, but something made me stay longer, hoping i’d find a glimpse of happiness in one of their eyes.
I walked around Botanic Gardens which would normally be very relaxing and calming for me, but again, i didn’t feel calm or relaxed when i was there either.
How does one find them-self again when they feel broken beyond repair?