More lows than highs

It has been two months since i last wrote.

So much yet so little has happened.

My mind is constantly in overdrive with a million thoughts an hour racing through my mind.
I wish i could get them into this blog, but i have been feeling so shit lately that i can’t be bothered writing as i feel that no one would be interested reading about my thoughts…
I feel that i am not worth it anymore.

It is my fault i feel this way.
Sometimes i make unnecessary comments. I made a comment on a friend’s status recently…at the moment i wrote it, i thought it was funny, a bit tongue in cheek… but today i noticed one of her friends had commented on my comment pointing out grammar mistakes that i had not picked up on.

Having so many thoughts about the harsh words and negative comments my mum used to say to me on a daily basis, this was pretty much the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I wanted to reply to try and stand up for myself, but i realised the other person (who i did not even know) was most likely right and all those things my Mum used to say to me MUST HAVE BEEN RIGHT.

I doubt the person who made that comment will ever know they drove me to have bad thoughts again today… thoughts that i have not had for a number of weeks. But that trigger… it’ll be at the front of my mind for quite some time now as i was raised to concentrate on the bad things i do… not always the good.

I have been trying hard to get myself in a better headspace since Nan passed away, but there always seems to be a trigger which sends me backwards ten-fold.

I truly hope there are NO other humans or animals in this galaxy who get the same thoughts i do as it can be genuinely crippling to what could have been an otherwise positive day.
I am guessing though that in reality, there ARE people travelling a similar road to me, but we each have our own issues and demons we are trying to fight off on a daily basis.

I just want you all to know that you are not alone.
I wish i could take your pain away- you don’t deserve to be unhappy.
I am willing to be unhappy for you all.

Belly Flop from 100 feet.

Imagine how you would feel after that landing. We are imagining this so there is no way we will die from this stunt.

Bloody sore and upset i am sure. Tears, head scratching, bewilderment and wandering around not knowing what is going on too i guess.

Well, that’s how i have been feeling for most of this week.
I just can’t seem to function properly. I had an appointment with my psychologist earlier this week and as soon as i walked in her door, she knew. I didn’t have to say anything. She knew i was feeling like shit.
The first thing she said to me was “What’s wrong? Something is really wrong and we HAVE to talk about this.”

I didn’t know exactly what it was making me feel how i was, but i knew i had a lot of little things that had been stewing up in my mind. Stuff that had been gnawing at me for who knows how long.

I told her about the little bits and pieces that had been worrying me, and although that helped a little bit, it didn’t help much.

Today i am still walking around, not really knowing what i am doing.

I just want to feel normal again…

Randomness takes lows to a high

I have been feeling quite depressed and upset with my self today. I don’t know why… it’s just how I have been feeling.

I was trying to think of ways I could cheer up a bit and thought some craziness and randomness might work along with a few wise things thrown in for good measure.

Now for a bunch of random group of sentences, words, sayings and who knows what else…
I’m hoping it will have me feeling a bit better by the time I’m finished writing and hope it also puts a smile on your face.

* A horse walks into a pub and sits down at the bar, the barman comes over and says “Why the long face?”

* Triantiwontigongalope
This is actually a make believe animal that I learnt about when in primary school. There was a song that went along with the poem and I have always remembered bits and pieces of the poem. It’s a fun word and if you use your imagination- could make for a VERY interesting creature!

* English is a strange language… read the following sentence and you will realise just how confusing it can be for those who’s native tongue is not English.
I wound the bandage around the wound.
They’re taking their photographs over there by the tree.

* You may have to GET older, but it doesn’t mean you have to grow up and ACT older!
It doesn’t hurt to let your hair down once in a while (or regularly if you wish) and live like a child again.
Splash in puddles, make mud pies, dance like nobody is watching (or cares), consider the little things that you would usually overlook (go hunting for bugs, beetles, snails and slugs one day).

* Have a water balloon or food fight (preferably with others who are keen to do the same).

* Go for a walk… a long walk is what I prefer.

* Make a salad of your choice.
Cutting up all those colourful fruits and vegetables will help reduce stress and then you get to eat your creation and hopefully feel a bit better afterwards.

* Get back into a hobby you used to enjoy but haven’t touched for a while. It might relight the passion you once had for life.

* What used to make you laugh as a child? Revisit those memories and see if it still makes you laugh (or cringe) today.

* Fart

* Fart in the bath (as disgusting as it is, it’s always funny!)

* Grab a butterfly by the hand and let it take you to a far away land where everything is ideal and no one is sad.