Light at the end of the tunnel

I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am hopeful of getting answers to my continuing pain.

Recent blood test results showed some abnormal levels which has my doctor thinking I could possibly have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). Today I have to have some scans done so further testing can be done to confirm if I do in fact have RA.

A part of me hopes that I do, I just want answers so I can look into the illness more, do I can research what I can do to help myself. There is also a part of me who wants to find out this is not RA… But then it leaves me where I was. Still in pain with no idea why.

I currently feel scared. The first part is in just over 7 hours time but I can’t sleep. My mind is racing, anxiety is rising, negative thoughts are present and pushing past the few calming slivers of hope that I have left.

I don’t know how long it’ll take to get the results, but I’m hoping not more than a few days.

If this isn’t RA, I want to keep pressing on… I want to get to the bottom of this pain. I want answers. I have put up with the pain for far too long.

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I am the reason.

I am the reason the house is filled with stress.

I am the reason why others get angry at my children.

I am the reason why my children don’t feel they need to be respectful.

I am the reason others are filled with hatred.

I am the adult who still lets the bullies push me around for fear of them hurting those I love if I speak up.

I am the result of a lifetime of bullying.

I know what it’s like to wish I was dead rather than put up with the hurtful words and actions of my bullies.

But I would never wish the same upon them as I doubt they would survive it like I have.

They are not strong enough to put on a brave face and act as if it is not affecting them one bit.

They are simply scared individuals who have not been taught ways of expressing their feelings without hurting others. They act in a cowardly manner as they know no better.

Just Dance

Just dance like no one is watching

Leave your worries and doubts, do not cry

May you never fall back to the person you were

You have a new life to live, it’s not bad.

Please promise you won’t stop moving

One step at a time is all it takes.

Believe in yourself, you can do it

Your heart and your soul – it now wakes.

Bruises aren’t always visible.

Bruises hurt. People understand they hurt and believe you may be in pain because your pain is visible.

Things like words though, are invisible. Once they’ve been spoken, they can’t be unspoken. These words can hurt as much or even more than a physical injury which is easily seen.

Invisible pain can happen at anytime, and can be dished out by anyone across many forms. It can cause lifelong pain, and soul-destroying scars on your emotional wellbeing.

Words have the ability of doing more harm than what a weapon is capable of.

Unfit for work.

Those three little words can at times make even the strongest person feel worthless.

My lower back and nerve pain has now forced me to take 3 weeks off work.

I am thankful that I can walk around, the pain is still there but its bareable. I still have trouble bathing myself and dressing myself at times so I’m still heavily relying on my husband to help me.

I feel worthless as my brain tells me I have to do everything on my to do list, but my body won’t allow me to do much at all. It is really frustrating as in many people’s opinions : “you don’t look sick.” That has to be one of the most challenging things to hear without letting it get to me. It is hard to ignore.

I feel bad enough as it is, but when that comment is directed at me, I feel so much worse.

My lack of income is hurting me financially too. It sucks.

I hate my kids seeing me like this. I should be a role model for them, I shouldn’t need them to help care for me at their young ages.

Daily Prompt: Mutants & Hybrids.

This was one Daily Prompt which really got my imagination going. I have been thinking of all different combinations and how they would work as the one “being”.

I think my initial Mutant would have to be part human, part horse and part dog.
I’m thinking torso & above human with an equine body/legs and canine loyalty & characteristics.
I’m not entirely sure what it would be called but it would be a creature of beauty, brains and loyalty.

Another Hybrid I like the sound of would be one part human, one part spider and one part gold.
Imagine being able to spin a web of gold thread. Being able to get yourself into tiny crevices.
Like life, being part spider wouldn’t be the easiest. You’d be constantly worried about getting hurt- or worse.
There would be people who could see the beauty within you, but they would be few and far between- just like great friends.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/mutants-and-hybrids/

DAILY PROMPT: Finders, Keepers?

While walking along you find something valuable… Should you keep it?
Friendship is one thing which first popped into my mind.
Think about it…
Our friends haven’t always been our friends. Once upon a time they were strangers.

Two strangers crossed paths, for some reason they started talking and fast forward to today and those two strangers are most likely you and your best friend.

What would have happened if you had’ve just kept walking?

Would your life still be the same? Do you think you would have met your friend again in the future from the first time you met?

I do believe that true friendship is just as valuable, if not more valuable (I’d even go as far as saying that true friendship is PRICELESS) than things like jewellery, or a wad of cash.
Yes, jewellery and cash can bring a smile to your face… but will it make you laugh, be there for you in good times and bad, be the one to give you the right advice when you most need it? The simple answer is NO. No it won’t.

Although things like jewellery and cash can give a false sense of security, wealth and happiness in the short term, it can never take the place of a true friend.

 

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/finders-keepers/