The invisible noose

For days, weeks and months
The noose has been getting tighter.
Tighter and tighter around my throat
Space to breathe or swallow feels almost non-existent.

Eating causes much discomfort
Food is like a coarse file,
Grating away the at insides of my throat
Food sticks in my throat like a hook in a fish’s mouth.

I’m not trying to be difficult
I just can’t find food that doesn’t hurt.
I am not being a snob to your cooking
I am sometimes scared to eat because of the swallowing.

I am scared as i don’t know what’s happening
An invisible noose tightens around my throat.
No amount of begging or praying loosens it
I have no control, none whatsoever.

 

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The Mirror

Sometimes we need a mirror to really see what we have transformed into, to see how far we have come over a matter of days, weeks, months or even years.

Yesterday a cashier i often see complimented me on how much weight i have lost and how well she feels i am doing on my weight loss journey.
The truth is though that as much as i have been thinking about trying to lose weight, i haven’t actually been actively trying lately. I have noticed that my belt is now easily doing up one hole smaller than usual so i guess that’s a good sign to show my body is changing shape, but the scales can’t be trusted as i have actually put on a bit of weight since i last weighed myself.

The jeans i am wearing today used to be a snug fit, they are now slightly baggy. Some of my tops are now looser than they used to be too.

Until yesterday though i hadn’t noticed anything myself. I hadn’t noticed the size of my waist shrinking, or how my jeans seemed to be getting looser.

It took someone else to point it out to me and i had to trust that they were telling the truth. I thought about what they had said for quite a while and realised that yes, they were correct- i must be losing some weight or something as my clothes are not fitting differently.

It is easy to constantly look at yourself in a way that would have you keep thinking bad thoughts about yourself. It is easy to believe that you are still very much overweight and are hopeless and unable to do many of the things that you wish you could. It is so easy to do as it is probably something you’ve been telling yourself- or worse still, what others have been telling you up until now.

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to shed those bad thoughts and step into a mindset of only absorbing goodness, of only taking in positive thoughts, positive words and positive people into your life.

The sooner you get rid of all things toxic from your life, the sooner you will give yourself the chance to change for the better.

Imagine you are looking into a mirror and seeing the true you, the new, healthier you. It can happen, it’s not just a fairy tale.
You just have to believe in yourself and those you have your best interests at heart.

If Tim Tams disappeared tomorrow

If Tim Tams disappeared tomorrow

Tim Tams are such a tasty treat
For most people that I know,
They could eat an entire pack
Which their waist lines won’t even show.
But I am not like those friends
I find these treats quite sickly,
They are for me a seldom treat
To enjoy and seduce me.
My favourites would be white choc
Or a dark choc with mint crème,
Funnily enough though I’m not a bickie fan
In my possession they are rarely seen.
Although if Tim Tams disappeared tomorrow
I think it would be quite upsetting,
They are after all, an Aussie icon
The rest of the world- they are really missing!
Tim Tams may not be everyone’s cup of tea
But they do seem to be quite popular,
I hope they continue to be seen on the shelves
So people can have them with their cuppas, ha?
If Tim Tams disappeared tomorrow
I would shed a little tear,
Another little Aussie being put to sleep
It is something that I fear.
Two crunchy little biscuits
With a tasty crème in between,
All covered in delicious chocolate
A chocolate biscuit lover’s dream.

Writing 101: Day ten. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

For many of my birthdays during my childhood, I was always given a Birthday Party at a local McDonalds store.

It wasn’t actually the food there that gave me many happy memories. Sure, I was a “big boned” girl, I enjoyed my food… sometimes too much.
I loved getting stuck into a Happy Meal. Was it always a “happy” meal? No, not always, but it did make me think that I was loved enough to be allowed to have this food, to get one of the toys attached with the meal.

One of the things I loved most was it was times like this that we got a lot of the family together and I could have friends over too, all at the same time.

Being an only child meant I never had a lot of company from peers around my own age. I would look at the friends of my Mum and grandparents as my “friends”. My friends at home were my pets. I always had a dog, lots of birds, fish… I even had lambs, ducks and chickens, mice, guinea pigs and occasionally rabbits as pets over the years.

But the plain old boring Happy Meal and the party that went with it always brought family and friends together. It was an occasion I would look forward to for a long time beforehand. Other than having all my friends around on this special day- my favourite bit was the ice-cream cake! Nothing beats an ice cream cake.

In recent years I have requested an ice-cream cake for my birthday, but the recipe must have been changed or something as it has never been exactly as I remembered it during my childhood.
No matter what store we bought it from, or what brand of ice-cream was used… I can’t seem to replicate those childhood memories.

Not to worry though, they were my childhood years. The times when I didn’t have to worry about much. I had family, friends and pets who loved me for who I was.

I can always find a new favourite celebratory food. Lemon cheesecake or Vanilla cheesecake is high on the list but I’m not sure if it is everything I want a celebration to be.
It could be something as simple as cocktail frankfurts and lots of tomato sauce to dip them in that brings back old memories, maybe top it off with some coconut ice… that’s something that brings back good memories too.