Employed at last

3 weeks ago i started the first paid job i have had since 2002. I have done volunteer work during the past 15 years, but i am now employed again.

I thought it would be a huge boost to my self esteem. I thought it would make me happy.
But it hasn’t. Some days i enjoy it, other days i can’t help but think about when i can go home.

I enjoyed doing the work as a volunteer, but now that i am doing a very similar job as a paid employee, it just feels different. It’s almost like i am not good enough at times, like i’m not fast enough at my job.

The money is OK. It’s helpful. I want to save up but at the moment most of my money has to go towards bills. I know that’s how the working life is… you go to work, earn money, pay bills. REPEAT.
If you’re very fortunate you might have a bit left over to go out for a day trip, go to the movies, go out for a meal, etc…

I just wish i knew why i was no longer enjoying the job i have enjoyed doing (as a volunteer) for the past 2 years. My work load hasn’t changed much at all, but i feel i am now not appreciated quite as much by all the staff.

It’s most likely just me thinking crazy thoughts, but it feels so real to me at the moment.

I just don’t know who i can talk to about it as i don’t feel i have any friends in the same position as me, so they can’t quite understand exactly how i am feeling… or they can’t help me learn or work out why i am feeling like this.

Maybe i need to find myself…

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