Anticipation can be scary.

Anticipation can be scary, especially when you don’t know what you are waiting for, how big it will be, what form it will appear in.

Not knowing what you should be looking out for can be very worrying indeed as how do you know if it passes by you one day and you never knew that was it? What if it is then gone forever?

Yet, if you grab out at anything and everything that goes past… it could be all for no reason.

How do you know when something is for you to take hold of?
How do you know if something is meant for you?
How do you know what the future holds?

Uncertainty

Setting out into the dark I watched for a glimpse of life. The flicker of eyes, the warmth of a breath on a cold winter’s night, the sound of a smile…

There was nothing.

Into the darkness was more darkness and unknowing. There was no sign of life, no sign of existence.

Where exactly was I? I was still standing so I knew there was gravity and I must still be on Earth.

The silence was unbearable. Not being able to hear anything at all was deafening. Not being able to see was blinding.

It was all to much for me to comprehend. I didn’t want to go back to where I had been yet I was scared to continue going forward in fear of what may lie ahead of me.

I felt naked. Alone. Scared.

I wanted to reach out yet I felt I was bound tightly and could not move at all.

I could feel myself drowning. Drowning in a pool of nothingness.
Nothing. At. All.

I wanted to scream out for help yet when I opened my mouth, no words came out. I was unable to talk, unable to make any audible noises.

I want to cry yet my body is as arid as the driest of dry deserts- parched and lifeless if viewed from the outside
BUT
If you take a closer look you would realise there is life within.

There are tears trying to come out, screams of pain, of pleading.
I was not drowning, I was safe.

Hands reached out to me, my body draped in soft cloth with loved ones nearby.

Everything was becoming clearer than it had ever been before.
I could hear the wind howling, I could hear all the animals, running water, rustling leaves.

I could see it all.

I was alive.