Another session digs deeper.

Today i had yet another session with my psychologist. I am getting better to what i was when i first started seeing her a number of years ago, but with everything i have been through over the past 6 months or so, it has still left me quite rattled and i still get triggered by little insignificant*  things in my day to day life.

We had a chat about it and she was surprised. I didn’t think i had been, but apparently i have been bottling it all up inside. Having done that she thinks could also be the cause for why i have had so many physical illnesses over the same time period too.
Headaches, aching back/bones, coughs and colds and other issues that hadn’t been worrying me before those relatives started threatening me.

Thinking about it, the way my body is reacting, does make sense. It is reacting to how i have been feeling. It is reacting to all the negativity i have been through, my body is helping me shut out things that are bad for me.

I just hope that i am able to clear my mind and body of this negativity over the coming weeks and months.

This month has been reasonably good to me.
My life is starting to look brighter than it was last year or the year before that…. or before that.

I have mentioned in the past how i have been volunteering. Well, on VAlentine’s Day i was offered a job. My Volunteer position is now a PAID POSITION! I will finally be able to start saving some money. This is the start of a new me. I am both scared and excited about this new stage of my life.
I just have to trust that i am capable of doing the tasks set for me and that i will be successful now and in the future.

 

 

*(Insignificant to the general public but a HUGE deal to my subconcious mind.)

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

That’s the thing…
When you believe in a celebration, but other people around you don’t, it pretty much leaves it up to you to celebrate with yourself.
Yes I am married, but my hubby has never really been into Valentine’s Day. He doesn’t think he should be told to show his love to me on any particular single day of the year. That’s fair enough, but I’ve always liked the whole thought and idea of it. You don’t have to spend a lot of money… I believe it’s more about making the time to spend some quality one-on-one time with someone who takes up a big place in your heart.

Today turned out to be like any other Saturday. I was with out children at their sports all day while hubby went to his game.
After the kids games finished, we dropped one of my kids team-mates off then went back to the Clubhouse to chill out and watch a bit of TV with hubby and his mates. We chat about the days games, joke about a bit, watch some TV and just chill out I general.

I may be female in a male dominated space, but I guess I’m just “one of the guys”. Growing up I was always a tomboy, I always had more male friends than female. I guess I can just relate to and get on with them better.

We’ve been home for a few hours now. The kids are in bed fast asleep, hubby is asleep yet here I am, quite awake and typing away on a keyboard wondering if anyone will actually bother reading about my non-eventful Valentine’s Day.

In a way, I hope not many people see this for at least a day or so as that should mean they are spending some quality time with their loved ones- whether they be friends, family, partners, children, pets… it doesn’t really matter. I guess I just don’t want you to feel alone.

Feeling alone has to be one of the cruellest things that any individual can feel. It is such a cold, sterile, unwelcome, thing to feel. It is upsetting. It easily causes one to cry and then question their own existence.
“Would anyone realise I was gone if I just disappeared off the face of the Earth?”

I would like to think I would be missed… but I just don’t know.