Life gets trickier as you get older.

The older i get, the less i am enjoying life.

It has even got to the point where some days i really truly wished i didn’t exist.
It is like no matter what i do or say… or DON’T do or say, is never good enough for anybody.

I have a low enough self esteem as it is and am trying to deal with everything else going on in my life- most of which i don’t really understand to start with.
Having to feel unwanted and such an inconvenience to the world almost every day is really upsetting, but i hate showing that i am upset so i try to mask it which can be overwhelmingly exhausting at times.

Why can’t people just respect others and realise that we are all unique, we are all different, we all have own struggles and daily battles. What one person finds easy and no trouble- may be next to impossible for someone else and cause them so much stress and anxiety that they may just take their own life because of how it makes them feel?

Before you say or do something… just think for a second and ask yourself if it will have a negative impact on someone around you.

Don’t be the reason someone takes their life today.

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River stones

Smooth and rounded, most things just slide by. Nothing really sticks around. Nothing physical anyway.

I am among many others all like me, some bigger or smaller, but we’re all ultimately the same. So many around me yet i am so alone.

Yet i am the one who feels what others don’t.
I am the one who feels the pain, who feels the iciness of life washing over everything on a daily basis. It is incredibly painful yet it is invisible so those who i want to understand, can’t.. or won’t.

It makes me want to wish this was the end. That the current would just pick me up like a piece of driftwood and carry me over the edge, into the turbulent waters below.
Surely it can’t be any worse than what i am currently having constantly wash over me.

What a day!

It has been one big exhausting day for me today.
It wasn’t a very busy one… just a regular day… but my anxiety peaked more than it has in quite sometime.

Today’s hot weather and humidity didn’t help… neither did me hardly eating anything and not drinking much today but i just felt so bad that i felt i didn’t deserve to eat or drink.

It got so bad this evening that i couldn’t stop my hands from shaking… it wasn’t too noticeable, except when i was holding things… and at the time i was helping my little ones write their lists for who they want to give Christmas cards to… i just had to clench my hands and hope they didn’t notice as they didn’t deserve to be dragged into my problems.

Here i was thinking i was getting my life back together… getting into a bit of a routine again, starting to feel a little bit better about myself… then today it was like i got hit by a truck and now i feel i am ten steps behind where i was a few days ago.

This has not only affected me mentally, but also physically as i have been aching quite a bit lately. It is worst when i am idle… I don’t notice the pain when i am doing things.

I just hope that things ease up a bit over the next few days…
I thought this Christmas would be a hard one for me, but i didn’t expect things to start going wrong just yet…

Now let’s open a can of worms…

I’m currently watching WWE Afterburn on TV, not because i want to, but because i’m simply too lazy to change the channel… I am busy on the computer anyway so it’s really just background noise at the moment.

I have never really understood wrestling. The way i see it, it’s just a form of choreographed dance/drama/hands-on physical performance. I see it as one big show which they put on for the viewers.

It’s not boxing, not by a long shot- to me, boxing seems like a blood thirsty sport (another can of worms right here but i won’t talk about this right now), wrestling on the other hand is far less dangerous and bloody. I have very rarely seen blood spilt during a wrestling TV show.

Are any of my followers fans of wrestling?
What are your views on this sport? Is it even called a sport? I honestly do not know.

I would be interested in hearing what you think of wrestling.
I am assuming most people have heard of and are aware of what wrestling is.