Sometimes i hate myself for how forgetful i can be. I will walk into another room or drive to the shops only to wonder why i am there and what i was supposed to be doing or getting.
This week, i had my surgery and i think being forgetful has actually saved my life.
In the lead up to my surgery i was very down and depressed and feeling that the world would be so much better off without me. I had it in my mind that i would tell the hospital staff that i wished to be a “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” (DNR) patient. If my time was meant to be up, that’d be it. I thought that was what would have been best for me.
Thankfully i forgot about the DNR, i forgot to speak to the staff about it and they never mentioned it to me.
Apparently i stopped breathing while i was in the Recovery Room after my operation. I am not sure how long I’d stopped breathing (I’m yet to get the results of the operation, etc), but the nurse looking after me said i had given her a scare. That has never happened to me with any other operation i have had. I don’t know why i stopped breathing but i am thankful they helped me start breathing again.
Today, a few days after the operation, my emotions are all over the place. One minute i am glad to be here, the next i feel like such a huge hindrance as i feel i should be up and doing stuff but i am physically unable to do everything i want to do due to needing to heal from the operation first.
I am an a mix of Panadol and Endone for the pain. I want to stop the Endone as soon as possible as i don’t like the side effects… the Panadol doesn’t really help me either so i may just stop taking that too.
I am hoping to be more mobile as the days go on.
I get the results of the operation and find out if the cyst i had removed was in fact cancerous. Depending on those results, I’ll know what i have to do in the future.
Whatever happens, i am sure it has happened to me because i am strong or capable enough to handle the situation…