Late night ramblings

Slouched in bed,

My husband snoring next to me.

The TV is my only company.

Sharp, piercing pain shoots through my back and down the length of my legs.

The professionals say there is nothing wrong.

How is this normal!?

My biggest vice is not speaking up, I suffer in silence. It’s what I deserve.

I feel like a nobody and at times it feels like that’s how I’m treated too.

I will never be someone’s princess.

I will never truly be appreciated or respected.


I have been having some physiotherapy sessions over the past month or so. I went in with an open mind and even though things felt worse for a while I believed the physio when he told me it’ll take time. Nothing happens immediately.

I have had physio in the past both privately and through the public health system, each one had their own way of “fixing” me.

This one’s speciality however was Dry Needling. After each session I would be in pain and the pain would worsen in the days that followed. At one session I told him that I didn’t think dry Needling was right but he said although he heard my concerns, he knew best, so he did it again. On the final visit I told him how much worse the pain was but again he insisted the dry Needling would work. I hobbled out of his practice to my car. It took me twice as long to get home due to the pain I was experiencing and weakness I was getting in my legs.

I have since been in much more pain, my back pain (reason I went to him in the first place) got so bad I ended up in the local hospital Emergency Department. I’m now on various pain relief and cannot work until I’m cleared by my doctor.

Some days I can get around slowly, other days I can barely stand up let alone move.

I’m worried my children will not have the Christmas they deserve as I’m not sure how if I’ll get any more shifts at work before we close for the school holidays. If I don’t recover fast from this most recent bout of back pain, I’m not going to get shifts which will mean I won’t get paid which will in turn mean no money for gifts. ☹️

Some days my life sucks.

In the blink of an eye

In the blink of an eye things can change.

Well, not actually change, but there may be one moment of your life where you suddenly say “Whoa!” and realise that the life you’re living is not really like the life most of your friends are living.

You never realised it before, but you’re actually a nobody in a world full of somebodies.

Before i met my husband, i was an equal with all the people i knew. I had been raised in a modest home with “Use your common sense” as pretty much the only hard and fast rule set out for my life from those who raised me.
I had lots of pets so was always kept busy (and out of trouble) looking after those animals. I earnt money from buying, breeding and selling pets. I enjoyed it, it was fun, i learnt many lessons doing so.
I had a small group of close friends.

Fast forward to when my husband and I started dating. We often went to music concerts. I assumed it was because he enjoyed music (I have a big love of music too), but more often than not, each concert we’d go to, we’d end up backstage after the show chatting with the artist/band/singer for a while- sometimes a short while, other times for hours. It all depended on the night.
He never made a big deal out of it, so i guess that’s why i guess i just took it in my stride and assumed that was how people usually behaved at concerts (NB: I had never really been to concerts before meeting him.) Occasionally we’d travel hundreds or thousands of Kms around the country following particular bands or singers. They were always glad to see him at their shows.

The more children we had, the less live music we got to see. I was OK with that. We could still listen to our favourite music at home or in the car.

As the children started to grow up a bit more, hubby’s amount of participation in his favourite sport increased too. Not only did he still play for the local Club, he was now also playing in Representative teams and Master’s Competitions as well as receiving calls to play elsewhere in Invitational tournaments. He seemed to be getting quite a reputation for not only all the time and effort he puts into promoting the sport and increasing participation across all programs/age groups, but also for how he himself plays.
He had also been called up on a few occasions to take part in campaigns and promotions, some of which have been used Nationally, on TV and online.

This brings me back to the beginning of this post.
How, in the blink of an eye, your life can change when you realise just how different things are now to what they once were.

Going through the contacts in mine and Hubby’s phone, there are quite a few well known names. People who i never expected to meet face to face in my life, let alone have their personal contact details.
Those of Musicians who i admired growing up and into my adult life, Artists who i have highly respected and admired for as long as i can remember, TV/Social Media Personalities, Elite Sportsmen and women who currently play or did play at State, National and International levels and other well respected people.
I know, at the end of the day, all these people are just like you and I, but some days when I get a chance to just sit down, think and reflect, I can’t quite believe that these people have been willing to want to give us their contact details, let alone want to know as as more than just “that random spectator or audience member”.

It all seems to happen in the blink of an eye.